Copyright © 2002 by Catherine Macritchie
"Painmaiden" in 2002
The right of Catherine Macritchie to be identified as the author of the Work has been asserted by her in accordance with the Copyright, Designs and Patents Act 1988
All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted, in any form, nor be otherwise circulated in any form other than that in which it is published and without a similar condition being imposed on the subsequent purchaser.

Just like in any other relationship, so called "normal" scene or sometimes refereed to as vanilla, it is a two way street, though to outsiders, it may not seem so. The Master relies on the slave as much as the slave relies on the Master. They are dependent on each other to satisfy their own needs. Each partner has different needs, as defined by their role as Master and slave, Dom or sub, but both sides have power and each is satisfied, though in different ways. Although it may seem through outward appearances that all the power in the relationship flows from the Master to the sub or slave, this is somewhat misleading. The Master may have ultimate authority, but the sub is the one who initiates most actions. No two D/s relationships are exactly the same. Nevertheless, basic agreements exists that are universal, or else you go outside the boundaries of what is considered a D/s relationship. Every couple will have their own set of agreements, however, if you potential Dom/Master refuses to put into writings the terms, do not get involved!

Communication between the Master and slave is most crucial to a successful M/s relationship. The slave must be willing to talk about her feelings and the Master must be receptive. The Master also must be conscious of the non-verbal cues the slave gives. For a satisfying M/s relationship, it helps to have an underlying affinity for the other partner. The Master is attempting to perfect his slave to his ideal of what the slave should be. The slave must want that goal, too. If either of these points do not exist, the M/s can degrade into an abusive relationship, or the partners go off, dissatisfied. M/s is for the mutual enjoyment of both partners. M/s can be simple as a silk scarf tied over the slave's eyes in a form of a blind, during sex, and simple verbal domination, to total domination mental, verbal and physical, ownership in a 24/7 relationship. Being a Master, does not mean necessarily, that He is cruel or a sadist, although most people do have these tendencies. It is up to the slave to tell her Master, even potential Master, what turns her on, what are her true needs. With this information in mind, the relationship can be adjusted to satisfy both parties. And that is where the real beauty lies in the alternative relationship, it is more honest and up front. Each participants has a precise understanding of their roles, and desires, unlike in a typical vanilla relationship. Obviously, if you are a new to M/s, what turns on a painslut is not necessarily for you in the beginning, and may even seen as dark, and vice versa, for a painslut, your level may be boring, uninteresting for her, thus not satisfying enough to maintain the relationship. That is why clear, honest communication is so important, no Master, no mater how experienced or good they may be They are NOT mind readers and can only work with you to make this experience meaningful if you are honest about your needs, desire and fantasies.

Some of the more common Terms to help you:

BDSM: 
Bondage, Domination, Sadism, Masochism. All inclusive term for activities of B&D, D/s, S&M. .

B&D: 
Bondage and Discipline. A subgroup within D/s which is largely involved in making the submissive physically helpless and applying stimuli which outside of a scene would be painful.

Body training: 
Uses specialized apparatus to 'train' a body part or area to look a certain way for an extended period of time. Corsets are used to train the waist and lower abdomen to make it smaller. Nipple training devices pull the nipple out from the breast to lengthen it.

Blood sports: 
A group of techniques in which the submissive's skin is broken and blood is allowed to escape. The most common blood sport is cutting.

Bondage: 
A state of subjection to a force, power or influence. It comes from the Old English word bonda, which means husbandman (farmer). 
A group of techniques for rendering a submissive physically helpless. These include rope ties, handcuffs and manacles, wrapping and mummification. 
Binding can be used for correction, but it is often used for pleasure, depending on the particular D/s relationship. During bondage, the Master has complete control over the sub, but this depends on the type of binding used. Each one has its own use and purpose. Regardless of the style of restraint, they should all be somewhat comfortable to wear but restrictive, and should not cut off blood circulation. If the sub is extremely uncomfortable, they will have attention on their body and not fully on the Dom.

Bottom: 
A submissive or slave.

Cuffs: 
Are mainly used for wrist and arm restraint. When referring to leg and ankle restraint, they are normally called shackles. They can be made from many different materials, from nylon with Velcro closings, to leather, to metal. Care must be taken in using cuffs since a tight fit can cut off circulation. Cuffs can be used to bind the hands to the sub's waist, ankles, thighs, or to other objects. Usually, when hand or thumbcuffs are not used, the cuff is a specialized item that binds an extremity to another object, one or two at a time.

Cum slut: 
Someone who totally enjoys licking, tasting and swallowing cum, and desires to have as much as physically possible, through oral sex, licking off the cum soaked head of the penis after intercourse or by licking out of another woman's cum filled pussy.

Cutting: 
A technique in which cuts are carefully made in the submissive's skin to produce an aesthetically pleasing pattern and stimulation to the submissive. The cuts are sometimes made into permanent markings by placing sterile foreign substances in them before they heal..

Decorative binding: 
Using rope or cord to compress or tie a portion of the body where struggle will not cause it to tighten or cut into the submissive.

Discipline: 
The application of stimuli which, outside of a scene, would be considered painful. Can be verbal, but common discipline techniques are physical: whipping, spanking and strapping.

Dominant: 
Exercising the most influence or control; governing. 
Most prominent in position or prevalence; ascendant. Comes from Old French and Latin dominans, to dominate. 
An individual who accepts the submissive's power and uses it for their mutual pleasure. Also known as Dom. Domination is not just giving random orders. A good Dom will find a way to cause the sub to desire pleasing the Dom. A Dom, or Dominant, is the protector, mentor, teacher, and lover to the slave.

As the protector, the Dom must be a) stronger than the sub, and b) stronger than other people in the life of the sub. This does not mean that he has to be physically bigger or stronger. It is about character and personality.

As the teacher, the Dom must be wise and, above all, right. The Dom should not arbitrarily punish the sub on a whim. There must be a reason. To do otherwise will break down the trust and security of the sub. The Dom has to be respected by the sub. Respect is a quality that is earned by the Dom being right, and issuing swift, correct justice and reward to the sub. The Dom is not there to inflict pain and degradation on the sub, but to give the sub a goal and a direction on how to love and please him.

As the lover, the Dom is loving and, when appropriate, stern. He must recognize that he is the only source of pleasure for the sub. He must see to it that this area is not neglected. The Dom should, when appropriate, be gentle, supportive, and tender to the sub. A Dom/sub relationship is not just about overpowering. It is about the Dom caring for the well-being of the sub. If punishment is required to stop a destructive action by the sub, then it comes from the Dom. On the other hand, when correct action has been noted by the Dom, love and caring should come from him to the sub.

Dominate: 
To control, govern or rule by superior authority or power. Comes from Latin dominari, to rule - dominus, lord. Dominate does not mean you have pain as an integral part of the scene.

D/s: 
Discipline and submission, can include all kinds of discipline including bondage, humiliation and verbal.

Go word: 
A signal by the submissive that everything is all right and you can continue with or increase the present level of stimulation. The opposite of Safeword.

Golden Showers: 
A humiliation technique where the dominant urinates on the submissive. Consumption of the urine may be part of this scene.

Humiliation: 
Is a specific style of domination that centers on making the sub do a particular act, or doing something to a sub that is repugnant or causes the sub to feel less powerful. Examples of humiliation include making the sub eat from a bowl on the floor, publicly disciplining a sub, and making a sub perform an act in public which could be considered embarrassing. Some forms of excretory play (urine, feces) could also be considered under this heading. This can be an effective means of control of the sub. Some slaves do actually enjoy humiliation and derive a great deal of pleasure from such activities.

Immobilization: 
Using rope or other bondage tools to render a submissive relatively helpless despite his or her struggles.

Masochism: 
A condition in which sexual excitement and satisfaction depend largely on being subjected to abuse or physical pain, whether by oneself or another. Comes from Leopold von Sacher-Masoch, Austrian novelist (1836-1895). A painslut would be a very good example for this.

M/s: 
Master/slave

Master: 
The Master is a higher gradient of control in D/s. The Master follows the same rules as a Dom, but in a stricter sense. The Master can have a slave, but may also call their slave a sub. The slave is owned or "collared" by the Master. The Master considers the slave a possession, but a highly valuable and loved one, the most valuable thing he owns. Offenses against the rules laid out by the Master are dealt with more severely, in most circumstances. Still, the Master, when pleased, flows great love and caring to his slave. The Master is also more protective of his slave because the slave is totally dependent on the Master.

OTK: 
Over-the-knee spanking.

Pain slut: 
Someone who enjoys extreme sadistic activities and derives pleasure from humiliation, pain and discomfort.

Piercing: 
Is a way of ornamenting the body in other places than the ear with jewelry. Pierced areas can include the nose, eyebrow, lip, and nipples. In females, piercing can include the clitoris, clitoral hood, inner and outer labia.

Physical Domination: 
This style of domination includes a wide range of activities, including spanking, whips, floggers and other devices or along with restriction. Another style of physical domination includes moving the sub in space without their consent, by the hair, a leash, or a simple hand on the back of the neck. Physical domination is a very direct way of communicating to the sub the position and authority of the Master. Physical domination does not have to be violent or punishing.

Sadism: 
The perversion of deriving sexual satisfaction from the infliction of pain on others. 
Delight in cruelty. 
Extreme cruelty. Comes from the French Marquis de Sade (1740-1814).

Sadist: 
An individual who enjoys causing pain and receives pleasure from the suffering of others.

S&M: 
Sadism and Masochism; The act (by some refereed as perversion) of taking pleasure, especially sexual gratification from simultaneous sadism and masochism. Since this sounds to harsh to some, it may be preferred to Sexual Magic. A term often used to describe the D/s scene; however, it is falling into disrepute because it is both inaccurate (Masters/Dominants are not sadists.) and overly limited (All slaves/submissives are not masochists.).

Safeword: 
A word or phrase which permits the submissive to withdraw consent and terminate the scene at any point without endangering the illusion that the dominant is in complete control. See Slow word. See Go word.

Scat: 
A slang term for scatophilia, taking pleasure in playing with and sometimes eating feces. While this is occasionally used as a means of humiliation, it presents a relatively severe health risk, not limited to AIDS and hepatitis.

Slow word: 
A signal by the submissive that things are getting too intense and you should change or decrease the stimulation.

SAM: Smart Arsed Masochist. A pseudo submissive who attempts to control everything the dominant does. A term of contempt. See Topping From the Bottom.

Scene (The): 
The activities associated with BDSM and people considered as a whole.

Scene (A): 
An individual play session of whatever duration where the participants are in their D/s roles.

Slave: 
Often used interchangeably with submissive. However, generally reflecting a more intense level of submission or non-sexual or sexual-plus submission. For example, a slave might be someone who remains in a 24-hour-per-day submission and cooks, cleans and, otherwise, takes care of a dominant's house. A slave is on a higher level of servitude, and more valuable asset than a submissive role. See table of submissive levels.

SSC: 
Sane, Safe, Consensual. Just as the term applies all activities should follow this credo. Make sure your Master is sane and responsible. Practices safety with you, and does not put your life into jeopardy. All activities are agreed upon in advance, and as per written contract. No actual injury should occur to the sub.

Submissive: 
Comes from Submit. An individual who gives up power in a D/S relationship for the mutual pleasure of those involved. The role of the submissive appears to be somewhat simpler, but in actuality, the sub plays a large role in shaping the D/s relationship. The sub's primary role is to follow her Dom's directions and to please the Dom. Being submissive does not mean that the sub is a doormat for the Dom. The sub is the Dom's companion, his student, and his lover.

See the different levels of submissives, it is important to realize what level you would be at!

As a companion, the sub is treated with respect and dignity, is allowed to voice opinions, and allowed to share in the Dom's activities. This is the area where the sub is the most equal with the Dom. 
As a student, the sub learns how to please the Dom, and when done, expects to be rewarded by the Dom. Likewise, when not done or done incorrectly, the sub expects to be corrected and shown the right way to act.

As a lover, the sub goes out of their way to please the Dom because they genuinely care for the well being of the Dom. The sub does this, not out of fear of pain or retribution, but because they wants to give the Dom pleasure. The sub does not want the Dom to be disappointed with them. The sub takes pleasure from the fact that the Dom is pleased.

Submit: 
To yield or surrender (oneself) to the will or authority of another. 
To subject to a condition or process. 
To yield to the opinion or authority of another; give in. 
To allow oneself to be subjected; acquiesce. Comes from Middle English submitten, Latin submittere, to set under: sub-under + mittere-to cause

Switch: 
A person who enjoys both the dominant and submissive roles. A switch may be dominant to one person and submissive with another or may be dominant or submissive with the same person at different times.

Restriction: 
Is a style of domination where the sub is restricted in movement. Restriction can be enforced with restraining devices, such as ropes, or merely words. Restricting the movement of a sub is a widely used training technique. This can also other restrictions: ca not talk unless spoken to, or may not look the Master directly in the yes or touch the Master unless permission is granted. 

TPE: 
Total Power Exchange, when the slave surrenders her mind and body, including all of her self control and power to her Master. This is usually done in a 24 hours, 7 days a week, live in relationship. However, it is rarely a true 24/7 unless the Master can stay with his slave non-stop 24 hours everyday of the week, month and year. Limits and safewords still apply, ensuring both parties experience pleasure, but there are less limits over all, and the trust between the Master and his slave is deeper.

Top: 
A dominant, or Master.

Topping from the bottom: 
For a submissive to dictate the precise action in a scene. A term of contempt.

TT: 
Tit torture.

24/7: 
Control of the slave who remains in a 24-hour-per-day submission, 7 days a week.

Vanilla: 
Not in the scene. A term used to describe ordinary, conventional life both sexual and otherwise.

Verbal Domination: 
Verbal domination is control using words and speech to effect a change in the slave. Calling the slave" slave" or being called a "Master" in public place is considered verbal domination. In the case of cyber or long distance D/s, exercised on the phone or by computer, this is the style used by most Masters, since they are not there to correct or reward the slave physically. It is very difficult to physically dominate a slave over a long distance connection. The slave must do what the Master orders, to the best of the sub's ability. If toys, vibrators are to be applied, the slave must be able to physically do the action. Since the physical control of the slave is difficult to ensure, verbal domination is used extensively.

Wax: 
Is utilized by many couples for enhancing their play. Candle wax, dripped onto sensitive body areas, such as the nipples, chest, or groin can be intensely stimulating for couples who have a greater pain tolerance. The sensation of the hot wax, running down and hardening into a semi-soft shell can be very erotic. The heat from the wax also serves to intensify the sensitivity in and around the area if the wax is not too hot.